Wednesday, December 12 2007, 21:55
I got smoked by FAP Exam 1 today, badly. On top of that, there was a technical error that prevented me to entering my answer to one question. I might pass without that one question anyway, or I may have failed even with that question, but oh, the suspense, of not knowing what would have, or could have, happened! Eight months of no-life, six weeks of suspense, and then another eight months of being buried into your studies; is that the whole (real) point of being an actuarial student?
I am totally sick of this. I am totally sick of ignoring friends, bypassing networking societies and neglecting family, for a less than 50% chance of passing one of many exams. Even the SOA knows this: they decided that this exam is a stupid idea, and ditched it for something more sensible. Alas, justice finally, but justice too late. One cannot simply keep their life on hold while they work on professional development. Interests, going out, relationships, companions, social service� somehow, one has to find time for these things. Six weeks is too long, and too short.
Christmas season, and high school friends are coming back again. Who is coming back? You know, if any of you are reading this, please try spending time with family during weekdays so we could go out in weekends? Those that are stuck in HK have to work, even if it is a blessed five-day workweek. If I never go out, I would never have photos, or memories. Life will be quite boring that way. Especially Christmas - I am not spending Christmas at home this year!!
Sunday, July 15th 2007, 22:21
Kids dream all the time of being heroes. If you're from a developed nation, they'd want to be sportsman, firefighter, politician (don't ask!), soldier, policeman? They don't have a clue how their dreams can be achieved, but they dream on anyway, as hopeful children should. Occasionally, through the combination of diligence, ability, birth and the fortuitious convergence of time and place, one of those kids become great achievers. Then we praise them and herald them as heroes or at least examples to aspire towards.
Let's suppose we've rid the world of all its problems. Firefighters and policeman aren't really needed anymore, except in token numbers, because all our buildings have perfect sprinkler systems, and all form of crime are caught by surveillance cameras and immediately caught before they go out of control. War heroes are largely forgotten, as we won't fight another world war anymore, and nations would much rather be conquered by another people than to blow up Earth with a single "anti-matter doomsday bomb" that could create a black hole and suck up the entire solar system before "evaporating". We would have long and happy lives thanks to genetic engineering, not immortal, but a long life followed by a quick, painless death. Don't we wish that this day will come?
I do too, but what happens the next day?
Most parents would tell their children to work hard, get good grades, get a good job, become wealthy, famous or achieve great things. But what would happen if Earth does one day become the "perfect" place to live in, and we still hold these values, these assumptions and goals? What happens when every young person works very hard in schools, but some become CEO's while others become street cleaners? What happens when everyone has enough to eat, but some are making 2000 times more than their peers and talks down at them accordingly? How would you feel, if you had all the qualities to become a great actgor, but ended up selling tickets in the cinema because the education system's so perfect and you just lost the competition by a split-hair? If one of those citizens, one out of a million, chose to vent this bitter by trying to make the next day on Earth not so perfect?
So we haven't reached this point yet, you say, but nether did I claim that we needed to be perfect to reach that point. If food was distributed more intelligently, we still have enough arable land to sustainably feed all our people without the use of fertilizers. If we did not consume so much resources in the armed forces, we have more than enough oil around for us to use until we discover fusion power. Today we consider ourselves having reached the point where mass consumption for all is possible from a technological standpoint, from the living standards expectations of the median ciziten living in a developed nation. It is also quite clear that we have reached such watersheds in history before, during various "golden-ages" of various empires during history, of "sufficient material wealth" relative to "expectations" of the common person, obviously influenced by their surroundings.
Unfortunately, humans are also genetically programmed to have a desire to hurt those around us, failure of which would make us unhappy. We don't want enough money to eat delicious foods and sleep in a spacious bed. It's not even about how comfortable the bed is. It's all about having a bigger bed than the Smiths. How much money do we need? We need more than the Smiths. I sometimes joke with my friends, and they all agree with me, that even if all the women in the world looked as attractive as (insert celebrity), we would still feel the need to express our masculinity by seducing taking away someone else's girlfriend, just so I can enjoy looking at the other guy cry.
Don't laugh off my seemingly-disjointed writing. Nations have been fighting each other not for territory, resources or even the honour of royal families. Countries can, and have, invaded each other just because they have a need to prove their superior military might. Do you still want to praise your child when he/she studies hard for trying to be valedictorian? That's a lot of disappointed children he/she is walking over. And those children will grow up to be adults.
I've been lamenting lately for lack of money, not because I'm not making a lot, but because I've been spending a lot of my money fixing health problems. Like, problems that total up to a few months of my salary. I lament for not having the money when I need it most, to take advantage of the booming Chinese market, or to try to start a business during this period of robust economic growth. Why do I bother though? Nice cars and brand-name suits, neither of which I care for? If I don't care, and I don't really care about the familial bequest motive anyway (I don't plan on having children, unless something drastic happens) why did I want to be rich? Because I want to make more money than the assholes I have to live with. But that makes me an asshole myself.
If circumstances force you to become a hero, or lead you towards fame and fortune, grab all opportunities by the throat. If not, don't force it.
To feel that one has a place in life solves half the problem of content - G. Woodberry
Most of the trouble in the world is caused by people wanting to be important - T. S. Eliot
Wednesday, April 25th 2007, 21:16
"Dear Kris,
We are pleased to inform you that, based on recommendation from the Division Heads, the Management has approved the 2007 Staff Salary Increment proposal.
Effective 1st April 2007:
Your basic salary has been increased by HK$100 per month.
Other terms and conditions of your employment remain unchanged.
Looking ahead, we...""
This has got to be the practical joke of the year...
Sunday, March 25th 2007, 09:43(Now playing: "Learpholl", Ion)
Took two weeks to debug this page, but it's mostly done, except for a number of "undocumented features" that has to do with the structure of the coding. Fixing those will require a complete restructuring, which will be too time-consuming.
Looking back, I realised my life for the past eight months consists of nothing but work, study and very occasional social life. I remember telling myself repeatedly that you live but only once, and you will be remembered or forgotten by what you have done. One could live an easy life of work, marriage and retirement, and waste an undeserved gift that one will never obtain again.
Looking back, at my entries in the past, I now remember that I actually once cared about ideals, about morals and principles, leaving a mark on the face of the Earth, no matter how small. For if everyone in the world leaves a very small mark, Earth will surely be a better place to be.
Just as one cannot really ignore the influances of the outside world, the outside world cannot truly ignore your influance either, however small. In an ocean, it is only logical that every fish matters.
The wise tell you to follow your heart, not because it is something that people want to hear, but because the persuit to add meaning to one's life by fulfilling a vision, however (extremely) small, is always a more reliable source of motivation than strict discipline, which can sometimes ebb and fade even amongst humans of the highest caliber.
One does not have to be optimistic or hopeful to try doing more than just work a day job to pay the bills and feed a family. It is simply human instinct to be more than animal, for that is what we are. I think we must all remember that.
Sunday, February 25 2007, 22:15
First off: I've completed a little pet project that I've been working on for around a month and a half (for the CIV4 fan out there, you should know what this is):
So Chinese New Year's past, and it's time for me to pick up my actuarial studies again. Three months would sound like a short time if I were still in college. But instead I'm doing this as part of my full-time job, which makes it a lot easier, at least psychologically. Failure towards acquiring professional qualifications is not so much a matter of ability. It's more often television discipline problems, and about playing the cards that you got.
Speaking of cards, my parents were playing cards the other day, "BIG 2" in Cantonese, and here was a hand that one of their friends were dealt:
I hope I get some of these fat-pig hands this year. Preferably in Macau.
Finally, I'm on the process of fixing and updating links and layout problems on this site, so a small number of links won't function properly. I'll notify once I'm done. Meanwhile, if you find anything interesting comments about the layout, or my boring life in general, the chatterbox is back.