Thursday, December 29th 2005, 18:15
My original holiday plan was to study for some tests in May. Now I'm just reading books that I've brought across, some that I bought and some that I borrowed. That does not mean, however, that I failed to cultivate discipline in life. I always had enough discipline to get most things done since I was a kid.
But rather, I slowly came to realize that in college, we don't really learn. We "only" learn how to learn, which is very important, but then most people stop there. Semester's over, holidays begin, they go hang around with family and friends rather than using all the learning skills you have acquired to actually learn. Studying is not learning, it's preparing for tests, just like a homework cultivates a work ethic that allows you to develop your skills, and not a development of the skills themselves.
I've always had an interest in reading, especially texts that are too difficult for myself (as a science student, that's not hard!). So much so, in fact, that I chose to stay behind in Urbana to read, and study, and think about what I've read and studied. I have always had this passion to read and learn, but also such apathy towards school-studying. Well, duh - they aren't the same thing; if one gives a narrow definition to "education" as "getting degrees", then I must express my humble opinion that when your "education" ends, your learning begins.
I don't feel sad about my relative solitude at all, and I am sure that anyone that knows me would understand. Reading is a pleasure, but a straining one, and once you leave college, it will never be as easy again. Just ask those grumpy managers in their fifties: you leave school, your mind immediately starts to rust, and shrivel up, and narrow-up into what you do on a daily basis. Gatherings, going out and eating together, go on a family trip... those moments are precious, but the time, or rather, the ability, to broadening one's mind through reading, tends to go away rather quickly after your teenage years, and never come back. And I am twenty already.
Perhaps this winter break is my very last chance.
Perhaps, in a few days, I will start studying again.
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On a lighter note, I found a nice link. Enjoy.
Tuesday, December 20th 2005, 17:16
The more I read about the origins of religion, the more shocked I become.
During these past few days, I buried myself in the libraries around town, and the more I read about religious history, the more I realized how deep and advanced the early forms of world religions were, the fact that they were so philosophical, visionary and ahead of their times. And how twisted they could become.
Did it ever occur to anyone that Siddhartha Gautama would be turning in his grave if he knew that the street vendors of Thailand are making a selling pendants to ward off evil spirits?
Or the wise Jewish teacher that tried to reject promote an egalitarian society on Earth in honour to their faith, an impersonal being beyond all our understanding, that forgiveness and inclusion was the rule? Only to have a group of scholars of lesser wisdom introduce notions such as a hell for non-believers, a mortal of divine nature, editing quotes to suit their needs, original sin and a bloody sacrifice to appease an angry god to appeal to the pagan masses and rulers of those times!
Or of the Arabians that believe that science and reason must be used alongside faith in understanding the all-mighty, and that gives due credit to religions in the past as part of a process towards the understanding of the One (and therefore, should be left alone as long as they are not excessively cruel), and that gender equality was one of their intended goals? Or are the common negative associations such as "honour killings" in Pakistan, the hostility of non-believers with suicide bombs or not teaching anything in schools other than one book, merely a combination of traditions of dark age Europe and Central Asian mentalities many centuries ago?
Many today insist that their beliefs are eternal, unchanging and always true by definition, and when they conflict with reason, their faith takes precedent. People in general have a weakness for undying truths, and a reluctance to change. There is always a certain psychological comfort in believing in whatever they were told is right or pick up whatever text they were given. After all, if it's written in the Vedas word-by-word, how can I be wrong? See, the problem is that in the old days, "quoting" did not mean "this person said exactly what I wrote down". It simply was a literary device to emphasize a point that the author wanted to make, and certainly wasn't meant to be read in a literal sense.
Religious figures did not become great by sticking to existing dogma. They became so by overcoming the fear of change, and almost all of them actively promoted moral and ethical values that were far ahead of their times, and the courage to stand up against long-standing traditions. They were also people that were very open and receptive of new ideas, understanding fully that this is the best way to add to humanity's wisdom and experience. How ironic, therefore, that these religious founding fathers are praised for the very principles that these people frowned upon!
Sunday, December 18th 2005, 23:26
Well done, Viju and Scott! You finally made it out of here!
(too bad my camera failed me...)
Friday, December 16th 2005, 22:23 (Playing: Beloved Enchantress - the Moon and the Nightspirit)
So I am done with finals today. But I am not happy.
If only all of life's problems can be dealt with hard work, suffering and sacrifice, like finals. But we all have problems in life that cannot be dealt with. Especially when you realize that the problem is none other, but yourself.
So I am done with finals today. No more escape from reality. I have an extremely good idea of what my next five years will look like. And there is nothing I can do to stop it.
I have never been so depressed from finishing finals before.
Wednesday, December 7th 2005, 15:25
"I promised myself I will not vote for any politician running for an office if they promise me that they will never raise my taxes" - one of my professors, during today's class.