Saturday, December 25th 2004, 22:40
Perhaps I should be sleeping now, instead of writing some online diary.
Now that the semester's over and I'm back in Hong Kong, it's time to start resting my worn out body. My tiredness is definitely not just due to jet lag, but more due to the sleep deprivation that my roommates, with their horrible living habits, force me into. Must be my good fortune.
But more importantly, I am starting to lose my sanity.
I have always taken pride in the fact that the only thing really wrong with me is being a little slow in the IQ side of things, and a little lacking in the ambition department. Unlike most others, I have never had much problems with other things, such as personality and character, which are things that some work on for their whole lives. But I am afraid the latter might not be the case anymore. I do not know whether it is due to the problems that I have been facing lately, and all the things that I have been hearing, or whatnot. But lately, a lot of evil thoughts have been entering my mind lately. No, I do not mean mass murder or drugs, but more subtle enemies of mankind, such as hatred, selfishness, contempt, envy, laziness...
I never had any experience with dealing with these things, because I rarely had them, and when I did, they were so small that they almost always go away quickly. But now, they just do not go away by themselves. Instead, I have more and more of it coming, flooding and rampaging their way into my mind, as if the threads of wisdom and sanity that always locked up these evils in carefully weaved seals, have finally been unrevelled. Although these things have not translated into breaching my moral principles yet, if this continues, it is only a matter of time before I become degraded to those that I look down upon, those pathetic... *sigh*
Yes, that is my true purpose for coming back.
I know no-one can help me with such subtle things, so I have to do this all by myself. Talking about one heck of a winter break, spending it all on some inner struggles that no-one can even see!
Yes, I am back in Hong Kong now.
Perhaps I should be sleeping now, instead of writing some online diary.
Saturday, December 11th 2004, 12:45
This Monday will be finals week. Unlike last year, I am actually under a lot of pressure to do well for my finals, because I am not doing as well now. But I'm tired - really tired. Thankfully all of them are in the afternoon, so I won't be so screwed over by my roommates either. Now if I can only stop playing poker...
I hate memories - they hide behind your mind when things are going along fine, and attack you when you are most vulnerable. When you need courage the most, when failure is almost certain, the memories haunt you again, giving that final little push to drive you to insanity. Memories... you never keep the happy ones, and always remember the sad ones. Memories... the only thing that makes immortality a curse that humans do not want to bear. How foolish are those that fear death, for eternal life is infinitely more painful!
I'm arriving Hong Kong at December 21st, 11pm-ish, and leaving January 14th early morning. That's three weeks of putting up with my parents again - sucks ass, but they're still paying for my college, so I don't really have a choice. I guess should relieve some of the burden off my sister though, who's stuck with my mother that quit her job and lies around like a lazy bitch. For those that are not going back and envies those that get to, well, just remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side.
Tuesday, December 7th 2004, 16:36
Is the United States a Christian nation?
Might be of some interest to some people.
Wednesday, December 1st 2004, 00:01 Playing: {lost in archiving process}
Why do I have to make all these mistakes in my life and mess things up right before finals week? Pathetic, really.