Saturday, October 30th 2004, 11:41
{Chinese texts lost in archiving)
Sunday, October 24th 2004, 11:50
My roommate's family called him again this week. They call him around twice every week. He told me he has strong family values, and that seeing them for holiday is one of his greatest joys. His father came across from Mexico when he was eighteen, to help his family out economically. Soon he managed to bring the rest of his siblings across, and eventually my roommate's grandma came too. They came for survival, to lead a new and better life. By doing so, they knew they would give up their own heritage, but they wanted a more comfortable life anyway.
So my roommate was talking to her grandma the other day, despite the fact that he isn't very good at Spanish, and that she can't speak English fluently. He once told me that his grandma is a very wise woman, even by a stranger's standards. He cannot gain such knowledge through literature either, because all the records they have are in Spanish, which is not even their ancient language! He can visit Mexico some day, but it's unlikely he'll live there again, so it's very likely that he and his descendents will be American. Pretty sad.
And then I say to myself, hey sounds pretty familiar. I'm born and raised in Hong Kong, a Cantonese speaker from southern China. Sure I can speak English, but I'll always be just below that of a native speaker due to my accent. I was talking to my anthropology friend the other day, and he bluntly reminded me that after a generation or two, Cantonese will be lost forever once schools enforce Mandarin as their main language. It horrified me. Imagining myself as my roommate's grandmother, not being able to communicate with her family very well. That must be lonely. Or that your cultural heritage will be lost to your family line. Wow.
But if you think his grandma is very unfortunate, think about us. For her, at least when she goes back to Mexico, everyone there can speak Spanish, and so can a lot of people around the world. For me, Cantonese will be lost, forever, without a trace, in our very homeland. As language is often the linchpin of culture, the latter will be surely be completely lost to us also. The long, slow torture of living through your years, as you see the last of your people slowly disappear throughout your life, without so much as an honourable death or even a trace remaining. Instead, it will be as calm as tears dripping through your cheeks, like a stream flowing peacefully through a derelict village, eventually drying up after seventy long hard years, just long enough to witness the death of the last retired woman living there, before she rots away into forgotten history.
The last generation of a dying language, in a dying culture, in a dying land...
Friday, October 22nd 2004, 21:24
"Before you try to change the world, first try to picture out what the new world will be like"
- Rick Gorvett, my act. sci. professor.
Well said.
***
Also, thanks to Dicky for introducing us to Skype. Always nice to cut down some phone bills.
Saturday, October 16th 2004, 14:58 (Playing: Cats in the cradle, by Harry Chapin)
As my experience grows, my hope dwindles, and I no longer have a lifelong dream that I want to pursue. I think a lot of people misunderstand the implications of not living with a dream. In short, those that have no dream can also live a happy life. Yes you only have one life, and if you don't do what you want to do then, you'll never have the opportunity then. The fate of the world is in your hands, and there's no-one out there deciding things with supernatural powers. On the other hand, let's not forget that the fate of this world is also in the hands of some 6 billion people on Earth, and each have an agenda that is unique to every other. The key to living a happy and meaningful life is to know what things are within your abilities, and which things are not.
In other words, go make a difference, but don't expect to make a difference.
I realise that people change a lot once they reach college, but over time they revert back to their old selves after a while. I don't have an explanation to this just yet. I'll think about it.
Friday, October 1st 2004, 09:44
Sorry for not updating as often as I usually do. The problem is I was procrastinating all through the month, which means I got little sleep and consequently needed more time to study, as I became less efficient. My main task ahead is to pick up my discipline again. Telling me that most people procrastinate anyway isn't going to help, because then again, most people don't get the job they apply for *hint hint*. So now I have a very tough task ahead of me. A fight against myself.
I've started playing online poker, and I've found out that it's actually a very small but consistent source of income, as well as mahjong. I've always thought gambling was wrong when I was small, but then again, there's really nothing inherently immoral with the act after I thought about it. Think of it this way: it's likely you'll be spending more money watching a movie than playing with your friends (assuming that you lose money). I'd take that over alcoholism or excessive smoking, which costs more and makes you feel sick in the process.
Again, it's funny how last year I wasn't homesick at all, and neither was I this year. I no longer feel that Hong Kong is my home now. In fact, I don't really care where I live now. I feel quite comfortable with not having a cultural identity or a place that I call home. Life is brief and pretty trivial, so I'd die a happy person if you got to do a few things that you like on the way.
I no longer feel unhappy about the fact that I'm neither smart or talented.
So I've stopped dreaming.