Wednesday, December 31st 2003, 14:39
It's always interesting to go out with people that you don't meet very often. They often provide a fresh perspective in life, and very often you find them more interesting because they are not what you're so used to seeing every time you go out. Reunion, sports, lunches together... it's been two hectic days for me. Good times don't last, but at least you'll be able to forget your troubles for a while.
I might have to change my style of writing. My homepage should be different from a weblog, and I'll have to make sure that this is the case. That is if I can be bothered to.
The question of heart vs. mind is coming back to me. I might address to this issue in my New Year's resolution, if I do make one (usually don't, but I might start now).
Sunday, December 28th 2003, 23:02
I've committed the same mistake as the one I made during Thanksgiving: a quiet day could give you peace of mind, but an overly quiet time could torture you. My sorrows still lingers, but at least now I've learnt to live with it, since I've accepted that it will never go away. It's like old people suffering from chronic pain. *sigh*...I suddenly feel old just writing this entry.
I really should make a greater effort to slightly distract myself from persistent ruminative thinking and catastrophizing, but making sure I go out more often during my stay in Hong Kong. That's the pain of being able to multitask - you just think about everything in you're life when you're not supposed to.
We all grow, but the problem is how.
Wednesday, December 24th 2003, 15:26
I've came back to Hong Kong on the 21st. Technical difficulties prevented me from updating earlier, but who cares. I had lots of fun seeing my friends, going out together and stuff. The food and shopping here is so good, and yet so cheap. It's only when I've left the city for a few months do I realise why we're so famous for those things.
And the night scenery, man, it is definately the best in the world. Did I mention before that Chicago's downtown nightscene is good? Well I take that back :-P
For those that couldn't come back: tell me what you want. I'll get it for you. I did not forget you, and I'll be seeing you again after this. Miss you loads. Hope you can come back for the summers.
I have a whole list of people that I need to see, and a whole list of food that I have to eat. Yes I still remember how it tastes like, and it definately tastes better than dorm food or the food in campus restaurants. I need to gain back the weight that I've lost, but I'm afraid that's not possible. I simply couldn't eat as much as I used to.
Did I also mention that I'm doing some calculus for the holidays? Well, that's going to be a little bit difficult, with so much distraction around. I'm still wondering how I'll ever get them done; I have to, otherwise I won't be prepared for next semester!!!
Friday, December 18th 2003, 14:44
I'm coming back to Hong Kong tomorrow. Instead of being enthusiastic about it, I fear it very much. I know what will happen, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Foresight is powerful, but right now it's burning me out. Especially when I see so many bad things happening to me in the future, and I are suffering for so many dreads and fears before it even happens. The 4 inches of soft snow outside my dorm chills my heart even more.
Sometimes I just don't want to live. I can't take this for much longer.
Wednesday, December 17th 2003, 16:11
One of my HK friends did this all by himself:
http://www.zorpia.com. Unbelievable.
Tuesday, December 16th 2003, 11:58
Bad time management! Now I'm underprepared for my macroecon exam!!
I hate those very long cause-an-effect chains!!! And it's an essay exam too, meaning you can't guess!!!
Exams are getting extremely stressful. I'm currently not thinking about anything else right now.
I have lots of things to sort out once I get back to Hong Kong.
Saturday, December 13th 2003, 11:02
edit: I can't believe it! I am starting to be able to consciously influence my own dreams! Anyone ever had that experience before? The question is, how can I train myself to harness this ability to my advantage?
I feel weak.
I think it's because I've had nightmares for two weeks in a row, waking me up in the middle of the night and so on. So today, I tried to keep myself going by taking a small nap in the afternoon, but that turned out to be a very bad idea. I fell asleep quickly, and then my nightmares came again. This time, I was absolutely conscious of the fact that I was dreaming, because I could feel my eyes closed and my back against my bed, but I could not stop the dream. I could not open my eyes as I told them to.
So it became a constant struggle between different parts of my consciousness during my sleep, and you know what's the scary thing was? I eventually opened my eyes, yet the rest of my body was paralyzed, and THE NIGHTMARE CONTNUED EVEN AFTER MY EYES WERE OPEN. I couldn't remember what it was now, only the fact that it was the same dream every time. Then eventually I took control of myself, and got off my bed.
But my legs were still sleeping. So I fell flat on the floor, unable to move for what seemed like an eternity. That's scary. It's as if all my life force has been drained away from me. This better stop soon, otherwise I don't know what's going to happen to me next!
Friday, December 12th 2003, 13:20 (Playing: The Prince of Egypt - There can be Miracles)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DOMINIC!!! YOU'RE FINALLY 18!!!
I'll try to get you something nice and send it to you, despite the possibility of being 9 weeks late. Hope you don't mind.
I'm officially arriving Hong Kong 22:40, 22nd December, which is much later than most of you. But that's already as fast as possible, considering that my last final ends on the night of the 19th (time difference). So please, if you have anything fun to do between Dec 23rd and Jan 17th, give me a call, send me an e-mail, leave a message on any of my three e-mails, contact me through telepathy, or whatever. It's in the "Contact" button on the left. Please do not use my dorm phone number during my holiday, obviously.
Hate getting hit by viruses, spyware and stuff. That's why you didn't see me online yesterday evening. I'll see what I can do, but either way, please do not think I was dead. There are many ways to kill me, but cutting my internet connection is not one of them.
Wednesday, December 10th 2003, 17:16
I really don't like the way UIUC has grade boundaries that are very high, and very close to each other. It gives you a lot of pressure, like the "make or break" feeling. Most of them don't like plus/minuses too, so if you don't make an 'A', it's a 'B' right there in your face.
>Are humans capable of forgetting their regrets? If not, then why do we always want to live so long? I'm sure most of us can't take so much life...
Monday, December 8th 2003, 22:37
How much am I really worth? How much is love and forgiveness worth? Does it matter?
Why can't everything be just the same again? What have I done to deserve all this?
*sigh*
Sunday, December 7th 2003, 12:03
Another productive day of revision and hanging out with friends. Hmm... it seems that even though life sometimes has its ups and downs, for me they all seem to be packed into these three months. Which makes me very stressed. Have to do something about it once I get back to Hong Kong.
Good news: I've perfected the art of ice-cream cones. Now I am officially qualified to be a McDonalds ice-cream guy for 10 HKD an hour. Yay!
Saturday, December 6th 2003, 18:48
Got AIM messenger. It's sylvanllewelyn, so please add me on so it doesn't look so empty!
It's only when I got down to plan my revision timetable today, do I realize that I have to prepare five finals (a.k.a. American A-levels) in ten days, 6 of which I still have lectures to go to (exam tips - can't miss those). Sometimes I really wonder if I can actually manage my own life at all. Mistakes after mistakes - why do I always do the wrong things at the wrong times? Now look what kind of crap I got myself into, idiot!!
Therefore, my updates won't be as extensive as they use to be, at least until I go back to HK.
Thursday, December 4th 2003, 00:10
It's the first time I had 5 hours of free time to play around with, as opposed to zero. It felt so psychologically fulfilling. Time spent not working is time not wasted, I'd say. Although that would mean I'll have to catch up really quickly with my revision if I am to do well in my finals.
Lost again in chess to some nice but stupid people. I'm getting rusty, seriously. Have to start practicing hard next semester. So is my piano, putonghua, xiangqi, weichi...
The good news is, I have a timetable that allows me some free time...
{picture lost during archiving process}
...but that comes at the price of having 8 A.M. rhetoric (yikes)! Is it worth it? Too late to change my mind now!
Wednesday, December 3rd 2003, 23:09 (Playing: Legacy of the Scottish Fiddle - Mrs. McPherson of Gibton
How come people update so often? It forces me to update everyday, or otherwise I'll be knocked down to the bottom of the list, so I'll have to say something. But since I always have something to say...
The workload is becoming lighter, because exams are coming up. One thing that bothers me is Linear transformation and matrices. Although I'm doing fine with the computations and algorithms in my hour exam, the professor said all proofs will be fair game in the final paper. That's nasty. If you don't understand the material, practice and revision is completely futile. In fact, this is one of the most "insubstantial" subjects I've ever studied about. You half-know the material, yet you can't really pinpoint what you know and what you don't. It's a kind of knowledge acquisition that can only be understood by experience.
Also learnt that my parents won't be in Hong Kong Dec. 27-31. So if anyone wants a KGV reunion slumber party, feel free to do it in my house! Hmm... and I thought they really wanted to see me! Maybe it's just parenting techniques, but I am not bothered at all anyhow.
There, that's enough BS for the day. Cya later!
Tuesday, December 2nd 2003, 22:13
I love Stanley Milgram.
Monday, December 1st 2003, 21:04
Thanks for the chat, Daniel, Pam and Liwen! We'll have a much longer chat in Christmas!
My Thanksgiving entry is in the archives. You can access it directly here.
Three more weeks of revision and finals until I'm back to Hong Kong. Too bad I'll have to miss the movie gathering on the 19th, and the KGV Pantomime 2003-04. Won't miss the reunion on the 29th though.
Got 96% for my MATH 315 mid-term. At least I'm not TOO stupid...
Thought about transferring, but all my UIUC friends held me back. It's amazing how there actually are people that care about me. In fact I'm beginning to understand more about life, and more importantly, about myself. Thanks for all your support.